Update on my foundation...

So... This pass few days I started the awesome paperwork to get A child's need foundation up and running legally. I really never understood how much time and energy it would take to actually take. But it is worth it! I read everything I need to do to get it going. there is 11 steps and I am working on step 5 which is writing the bylaws of the foundation. which I am getting the board of directors in for a meeting next Saturday to go over everything. like the structure and rules on how this foundation is going to run. then after that is done i have to then file all the IRS forms which is the biggest part of the whole thing which will take around 3 months. blah. but after that is should be pretty easy going. A child's need foundation should be up and going by next June. I finally found something that makes me happy and something I want to spend my time on. I want to make a difference in not only my life but also for my community.

What to do next??

So right now I am at a stand still. I have no idea what I should do next... I am still waiting for my big game of kickball. Which I am hoping to have in July with my awesome co-workers and families. It going to be our first annual lunch lady BBQ. That I am in charge of. I don't know how i got conned into these things... like setting the whole thing up. But its going to be awesome! Also one of my visiting teachers MaryAnn and I are going to get a big food fight set up. Going to make announcements and everything. Its going to be a "left over" food fight. So everyone is going to bring their left overs and bring it to the park and then its on! Clean up is going to be something though... Blah Oh well So other than those two things... I am still working towards my Foundation. Its called A child's need foundation... Right now I am working on a website for it. This process is going to be hard and a lot of time and effort.. But I feel so passionate about children and making sure they are treated they way they are supposed too. It makes my heartache knowing that people actually hurt children. I read somewhere that people don't believe that child abuse happens in their neighborhood but it does. Its okay to talk about it, to raise awareness about it but it can be prevented by not keeping it a secret. I could talk hours about this. Ha ask my family they tell me to shut up all the time. So I will spare you all... for now Later

more Poems

Ha I guess I am an angry writer. Stupid boys...

This is called.."Are you kidding me?"

I knew Liking you would be a mistake
But that was a price I was willing to take
It just made me feel a little stupid
I should learn never to trust cupid
you were cleverly disguised
the "real" you, you never advertise
your eyes and you smile threw me through a loop
I guess its now time for me to regroup
You wonder why I'm still single?
Are you kidding me?

I'm so sick of all the excuses
yet i'm the one who loses
you think you're so amusing
but you are only confusing
Just keep pretending i don't exist
Just someone who is easily dismissed
I'm done with this charade
and the stupid games you played



You always act carefree and nonchalant
like your the only thing I want
you act like your better than the rest
like some prize to be possessed
your the one acting callow
Yet I'm the one who's shallow?
Darlin' look in the mirror your pushin 39
with a receding hairline
You wonder why your still single?
Are you kiddin' me??

I'm so sick of all the excuses
yet i'm the one who loses
you think you're so amusing
but you are only confusing
Just keep pretending i don't exist
Just someone who is easily dismissed
I'm done with this charade
and the stupid games you played


This is called "Over you"

No need to tell me twice
The message is crystal clear
That I'm not the one for you
But darlin' you never did try
whose fault is that?
you kept me at a distance
giving me a glimmer of hope
you said you want love
Just what are you waiting for?
what are you waiting for?

I saw your flaws
as instant beauty
hearts on sleeve
unprotected
I'm the Only one noticing you
Keep on pretending
Cause darlin' I'm over you!

You wait your whole life long
for a girl who does not exist
the images in your head aren't real
you want what you cant have
Although I'm right here
Then you wake up one day
wondering where the time went
Then you realized you were wrong
Yeah you were wrong


I saw you flaws
as instant beauty
hearts on sleeve
unprotected
I'm the only one noticing you
Keep on pretending
Cause darlin' I'm over you!


you will come to your senses one day
And ask for another chance
that is when I will say...

I saw your flaws
As instant beauty
I wore my heart on my sleeve
unprotected
I was the only one watching you
so keep on pretending
cause Darlin' I'm over you

I'm over you
I'm over you.


This is called "But you dont have a clue"

What's the point in love?
Unkempt promises, heartache and pain
I've been down this road before
does anything really change?
My heart is surrounded by this wall
only the strong will get in
But you don't have a clue


I told myself to never fall again
that love only makes you weak
that I was made to be alone
to become Miss Independent
but truth be told, that is a lie
I want to know what love really is
But you don't have a clue

when we talked for the first time
something inside me changed that night
you caused a spark inside my empty heart
I have never felt that way before
is it a crush or is it something more?
I'm taking the risk, taking a shot for you
can you see the sign? Its right there
Do you see the clues??

This is called "Robot"

In a world full of emotion
I find it difficult to express myself
So i bottle up exactly what i feel
I live life like a robot
I give nothing away
watching people live life to the fullest
Has always made me wonder?
what if I was different?
who would i be?
What would I feel?
what would i become?
what would I do?
Am I living or just existing?
I will never know
Because I live life like a robot
I give nothing away...

This is called "Unrequited Love"

You came into my life not knowing just what you have done
My heart on the line, wishing I wasn’t the only one
I would have loved you with my whole heart
Now when I look at you it just tears me apart
You are the jack of all trades the king of rejection
Looking into the mirror at my reflection
I say


I can’t do this much longer
People say it will only make me stronger
I just wished you felt the same way too
Letting go is the only thing I have left to do
It’s tearing me up inside my soul
Just to be with you was my goal
This thing called Unrequited love
This thing called unrequited love sucks


You were something special, someone I liked to be around
Now when I see you it just makes me feel down
You were everything, you made me want to live
Your were someone I wanted to be with
I guess you couldn’t have cared less
Because of you now my life is a mess
I say

I cant do this much longer
People say it will only make me stronger
I wished you felt the same way too
Letting go is the only thing I have left to do
Its tearing me up inside my soul
Just to be with you was my goal
This thing called unrequited love
This thing called unrequited love sucks


I love your smile
I love your style
The way you walk
The way you talk
I just can’t get enough
I am just going to move on
To find out where I belong
Because you don’t feel the same way
I am not going to put my life on delay
Time will only tell
This is putting me through hell
I say

I can’t do this much longer
People say it will only make me stronger
I wished you felt the same way too
Letting go is the only thing I have left to do
Its tearing me up inside my soul
Just to be with you was my goal
This thing called unrequited love
This thing called unrequited love sucks


This is called "Destined to be someone"

God take my hand and guide my pen
Help me to show others how I feel within

Its time for me to say goodbye
Just stand back and watch me fly

Even before my life begun
I knew I was destine to be someone

I knew this life was going to be a struggle
Many thing I would need to learn to juggle

Work, family, religion, education to name a few
To overcome obstacles and before you knew it I grew

I knew there was going to be heartache and pain
But I knew everything that I would gain

Life has been hard I have had lots of frustration
I have issues, I’m damaged I have lost my concentration

I have built walls, I have pushed others away
I have prayed, hoped and wished that I would just be okay

Its hard for me to express how I feel
Things from my past they feel so real

The past comes and still haunts me
This however is not who I want to be

I came here and I struggled in many ways
But it’s the reason who and what I am today

I am human, I make mistakes and by far not perfect
But my mistakes and imperfection is something I try to correct

I want to stand for something ,something that’s good
Because it something I know I should

I want to be the voice for those who cant speak
For the dead, for the children, for the meek

I want to change the world one heart at a time
I am sick of the world dealing with its crime

To give a helping hand or just to listen
I just know the world would just glisten

I am destined to do great things as long as I try
I know I am destined to be a Goddess on high


This is called "True love and fairytale ends"

They say true love is hard to find
Be patience just give it time

forget how fairy tales end
Whats the message its trying to send?

In my life when it rains it pours
I have been hurt to many times before

I built these walls so high it can not break
Protecting my heart from the evil and fake

To let someone in to see the real me
I am afraid they won’t like what they see

Physical pain is something I can endure
Dealing with my heart I am not quite sure

My life has been rejection after rejection
Sometimes it hard to look at my reflection


Then you walked into my life, you took my breathe away
I still don’t know what I am supposed to say

You make me happy, you make me smile
You make me want to go that extra mile

Right now my head and heart are playing a tug a war game
To tell you how I feel, would it still be the same?

To risk, to lose, to stumble, to fall
Or to take a chance to win it all

I’m afraid to think how much I like you
Tell me do fairy tale ends really come true?




This is my first poem i ever wrote its kinda sad but its the way I felt. so here it is... Its called "The worth of a soul"

she was confused and hated everything
she was quiet and shy and would never sing
she didn't have a lot of friends she did things with
she was always alone and didn't want to live

she tried to get help but was very scared
she thought no one really cared
she thought who am I ? What have I done?
she thought she was boring and not that fun

all she wanted was for people to be nice
and maybe to give her some advice
they told her to grow up and to get out more
its not that hard just open the front door

Little did they know her spirit was screaming
she thought her life didn't have a meaning
she thought she wasn't very pretty or very smart
her self esteem was just falling apart

one day when things were very bad
all alone and feeling sad
she thought about getting a knife
just to end her precious life

instead pills, to sleep, to never awake
all because she thought her life was one big mistake

Thank someone who has changed my life...

So somethings you should know about me is that i am super super shy and really really quiet. I don't usually let people into my life with the fear of being rejected/hurt. My whole life I have felt undesired and that I am not worth the time or energy. I would rather spend my time away from people even my family sometimes. Because I have a fear of them not accepting me or them criticizing me.(even thought I know that this fear is crazy) Although I long and have a great desire to have healthy relationships. It takes me a long long time to open up and for people to see the "real me" I have a lot of insecurities and i am working on being more out going and being more friendly and to open up... Through out my life I have had a small support group who has been with me my whole life even when i thought the worst of myself they are the ones who remind me how far i have come and how truly strong i really am. I am really grateful for them and they have no idea how much they truly mean to me.
But I am going to talk about one person specifically. I haven't know her my whole life but it seems like I have known her that long. She has accepted me flaws and all and still wants to be my friend, when most everyone would just turn and walk out of my life. Her name is Keely. She started working with me in feb. 2009. It did take me a while to open up but once i did we became close friends. She has even made me more out going I am doing thing i would never have thought of doing. like the sky coaster... Keely i am so grateful that you walked into my life as a great friend. You are the best!!

Camping!!

So... During memorial day weekend I had an opportunity to go camping with ammon my brother and Lacey his fiance and her dad side of the family along with my favorite people ever Rykert and Lilly!! I didn't know really what to expect. My whole life i have felt like a 3rd wheel.. just tagging along. I hate it. but during this experience I felt welcomed.:) I got the opportunity to go shooting, fishing and my favorite 4 wheeling. I am glad i went i got closer to my brother and to Lacey and i am glad she is going to be apart of our family next month.